FAITH continued...

So I've been thinking and trying to deal with this feeling that I have deep deep deep down inside that I WILL carry another pregnancy of my own someday...of course in God's perfect timing, but I know that I will carry another child that I will then have placed in my arms someday. Call me crazy, but the LORD will bless me and only he knows my heart's desire and only HE can fulfill those desires! I will not let the devil get to me. I will NOT let anyone take my desires away and I will NOT let anyone tell me that my God might not give me that next child. I feel it deep down inside, and he WILL!

We got the results back from the testing they did on our latest little baby...it was a BOY (I KNEW IT!) and it was perfect in every way. There was not one problem with the baby. In a way this is kind of good news, but in a way it is kind of saddening. It's good to know that it's not a problem between Nathan and I making the babies or passing down some gene, but it's sad in that I am feeling it's more something wrong with ME. I feel even more like it's a problem with MY body that my body is failing me, but then I think of my precious little boy that God already gave to me!

I hate to say it, but when I found out that Ky was a boy, I was a little bit down. I REALLY wanted him to be girl, but I must say, God knew what I needed there too. Ky is absolutely wonderful and it seems as though every time I'm feeling down, God uses Kyler to show me that he hasn't forgotten about me. He gave me Kyler to get me through these tough times. Kyler has been more than affectionate and it doesn't get rid of the feelings I'm having, but it helps me deal with those feelings and also it shows me that I am loved! I know God loves me too and only wants the best for me. Someday, I might adopt, I don't know, but I WILL carry another pregnancy to term and have another child...someday! For now, I wait and learn patience some more!